Risk Builds Faith

I'm embarking on a journey today- a 30 day challenge. I'm taking a risk to deepen my walk with God. There are some good shows on TV, but I'm stepping out on a 30 day journey- a challenge- of no TV. I could get quite bored or maybe even lonely without the noise- but I want to try and use my free time to get more in touch with God- more in touch with His purpose for my life. Instead of spending hours listening to the TV at night to drown out the world- to drown out the hurt- I want to run to God in this season of suffering. I want to face my fears- face my pain.

It's been hard for me to see God's purpose in the suffering lately, but I'm convinced that He will bless me with His presence in the next 30 days. I've chosen 30 days because that's when the doctors expect to know more about what's going on with my liver- I've decided that at the end of 30 days I don't just want test results- I want to be a stronger woman of faith!

What are we to gain if we never step out in faith? God gives us the faith we need to take the next step in our journey- what is your next step? What is God asking you to face? How are you to face it- what do you need to risk?

With TV now in storage--- Risking to build faith ~AT

Inspiration

We all need inspiration each day if we are going to live for today. You have probably already seen this but so had I-- it inspired me for today- to dream- to be energetic- to be kind.
Be inspried ~AT

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

Addendum to being surprised

Wow! I'm already blown away- completely surprised today! I have to fill you in an a little experiment I've been running today, and I hope you will run it yourself!

I've been filled with joy and hope this morning. I've been just going about my usual business this morning but things are not so usual--- my smile seems as contagious as the flu this year! On my usual walk to get coffee through the tunnels of the hospital, the influence of joy became so obvious. The most amazing thing I've experienced in a long time--- strangers making not only eye contact- but giving me a huge smile and a loud- confident- "hello!" It gives me this wonderful feeling of being connected with fellow mankind on an intimate- real level.

Please replicate this experiment in your life today ~AT

Be surprised

It's pretty early right now but God has already blessed my day with smiles. I was reminded of this concept of living for today very early this morning- that means it's going to be a good day because I have made the choice to view life as a blessing. So my words are simple today- simple but powerful- Rejoice! Let God surprise you... ask and you shall receive.

Influence through joy for today and be surprised with gladness ~ AT

Waiting produces character

The past month or more has been a time of endless waiting for me. Not too much about my physical condition worries me but waiting is something that continues to be God's ultimate challenge to me. For the past few months my liver function tests have been abnormal so I have gone through a series of many tests, and currently I am waiting to find out if I need a biopsy. Whether or not those around me can tell or not- it has been a time of great agony.

Waiting is something that has sort of paralyzed me into a state of self-absorption. I have tuned out most of the world around me at times to just wait. I have just come to remember that waiting produces character- regardless of it being good or bad-waiting can change us.

I believe we have a choice as to what our character becomes  during times of waiting. We are probably all waiting for something at any given time. During this time of waiting, I can choose to let it be a time of leaning on God through trust and become a stronger person, or I can choose to sit miserably waiting and become so very discontent.

When given a choice- it becomes obvious- trust I choose. I am not sure how to lean on God right now- but I am trusting that as long as I have decided to trust-- God will show me how.

May waiting be a blessing- AT

Surrendering Worry

I've spent the last few weeks worrying about something that I cannot really identify. I've asked God to simply come and meet me where I am. A lot of my confusion revolves around the complex nature of medicine and the human body. When I first saw the doctor, I thought scleroderma explained everything, but now I realize that it's a difficult diagnosis to make and they cannot be for certain. I just want them to be able to explain everything, which isn't possible. So I'm wrestling with a bigger question- what would really change about my life if they could explain everything? I want them to be able to tell me what my future holds in regard to health, which they cannot do even if they could explain everything. I'm back to square one- how do I live for today?

God is the only one that knows the future and understands the human body as he created it. He knows the purpose behind my sufferings and my joys. God has met me where I am today through the writings in a daily devotional magazine. The benefits of God's words are explained in psalm 119, "the word of God revives, teaches, gives understanding, strength and direction. So I will, "Cling to your testimonies; O Lord, do not put me to shame! I will run the course of Your commandments. (Psalm 119:31-32)." I come to God and ask, how do I live today in a way that fulfills your purpose in all of this? What is your purpose in my joys and sufferings?

Today I will follow the words of a wise man who said, "You'll go forth a little stronger, with a fresh supply of grace, if each day you meet the savior in a secret, quiet place." Perhaps in the secret quiet place with Jesus I can surrender my worry.

Surrendering, AT

Capturing the Heart

Today is about living for what captures the passions of our heart. Life is a process of discovering and learning to answer to the passions God has planted in our hearts. What brings that warm feeling of joy to my heart? Most days I ignore this feeling I have inside of me- a feeling that I have so much passion pent up waiting to be let out. I often say- "in the future." In the future I will write that book- in the future I will start that support group- I will travel the world with my sisters taking pictures- in the future. What about today?

There is so much to do, but what am I most passionate about? I have this overwhelming feeling to help those in need- those going through physical trials- helping the family members that live the experience- and raising public awareness. I want the public to open their eyes to see the beauty in sick children, disabled children and adults, and those battling the epidemic of disease that has flooded our world. Their is so much beauty in what the world labels as defective, disabled, or diseased. I can never pass a sick child in a red wagon in the hospital without the depths of my heart being pulled. When I saw the movie "Pursuit of Happyness," I remember wanting to buy a big house and open it up to the poor- it was such a real feeling.

I never want my heart to dry up- I always want my feelings to be real. When I first started working in the Cleft Palate Clinic, I remember having to use all my strength not to cry in front of families- their stories would tug at my heart- I would hold it together and then loose it as soon as I stepped out of the room. And then I would go home and think about those children- the mothers and fathers- all of the brothers and sisters- the grandparents- neighbors- all impacted in one way or another. I would have this great need to do something but had no idea what to do.

This is a journey and I don't know where it's taking me. Today I will hold on to the thought that it will lead to great places- as long as I answer to the passions God has given me today. There are so many callings- the world is full of need- what shall I answer to for today? AT

Costumes: Look in the Mirror

I have not written recently because I'm afraid that what I have to say right now won't be very positive- maybe more depressing than inspiring. The past few days I have felt indifferent. I'm not sure why because I'm on vacation and surrounded by family right now- doing what I love. Do I feel this lack of emotion because it's been hard physically lately? My medicine hasn't been helping my stomach as much the past 2 weeks, and this is especially frustrating as the holidays revolve a lot around food. Sometimes when I see everyone happy and eating I feel bitter because I want to enjoy food and I keep trying to enjoy it but I hate how it makes me feel. Your body should be able to handle food- it's such a basic biological need. Perhaps I fear what will help me if the medicine stops working. Deep down I fear the medicine is not working because perhaps the disease is progressing. Not that this is the case but that's what my mind has been processing now and again.

Maybe indifference is built up tension from not being honest with myself- or with the world- or with God. I have not been dishonest in big ways- or in ways that I can really recognize. I think we are all dishonest in tiny subtle ways throughout the day that really takes a toll on our character in the long run. I waste energy trying to shield people from the true me. I think we all have someone we are trying to be- sometimes we change in and out of various costumes all day long. I try to wear my best for each occasion. If we wear costumes for too long we loose the chance to live connected to ourselves and those around us. Maybe it's driven by fear or maybe it's an attempt to conserve energy.

Whatever the reason- the way out of costume is to recognize it- to look in the mirror and take off the shields- the armor we place against being hurt or disappointed by people. So I step out of costume to live for today. AT

Merry Christmas

The heart of Christmas is for those who are shipwrecked- lost and in need of grace.  When I'm not feeling well I have heightened awareness of my shipwrecked state.   I pray that each day I reach that state for then I know I have a King and I am rescued.  I look up and see the star shining today and far into the future. Glory shines around this Christmas day!  "Fear not, said ye."   My troubled mind is seized by the King- by the Son who came  in the form of a baby who has conquered all evil.   "Glad tidings of great joy I bring to you and all mankind."  Peace be on earth, let the light be brilliant in our lives- for light always overtakes darkness.   Wise and happy my soul shall be and peace to goodwill.   Merry Christmas today, tomorrow, and all days to come, AT

Seeing Extraodinary in the Ordinary

Today has been a perfect day because it was slow enough to take it all in. I took in each moment; throughout the day I found myself saying out loud, "This day is perfect!" It was full of things I don't normally do, and I'm so glad I got to share it with my sister Katie who lives in Colorado. We ate breakfast at the table instead of on the run, strolled around Lake Calhoun taking in the fresh morning air, and ventured to a new locally owned cafe for lunch in my neighborhood. A mid afternoon nap was also just the needed refresher. It was a day full of ordinary things that ended up being extraordinary.

What makes a day extraordinary? I wish everyday was like today. Is it possible to have a lifetime of extraordinary days? I think it's possible--- I just have to take the time to see the extraordinary in the ordinary--- take the time to see how "everyday people" are extraordinary. It's the ordinary events and the everyday people that made me feel alive today. It's enjoying the simple pleasures and people's kind deeds that blessed me with wonderful contentment despite my physical circumstances today.

Contentment is an amazing gift that I experienced today.
 May I grow to open my arms to it each day. AT