Hope

It's been a long time since I've written and many have asked for an update. As many of you know, I've started immune suppressant drugs, which has helped me so much. My body feels like it's being repaired from the damage my over active immune system was causing. As I reflect on the year, I see just how much God has carried me and even allowed me to fly with joy.

What carries the human spirit in such times as now? What allows us to fly when our wings are broken? HOPE. Hope is a simple 4-letter word that is endlessly freeing. Christmas is a wonderful time to be reminded of hope. Hope came to us in form of a baby boy. May we see the hope surrounding us during these hard times we face, whether in your own life, your family, or as a nation...HOPE SHALL GUIDE US...Not empty hope- but hope full of faith. "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see," (Hebrews 11). Journey with Hope ~ AT

Freedom from Captivity

As we celebrate Memorial day, how can we not help but think about what we are free from? It is so easy to take our freedom for granted. More so, why do we gravitate towards living in captivity when we can be free from something? Captivity is subtle- blinding. Yesterday, I heard a sermon on living free from sin, and what I realized is that I have subtly been living in the captivity of idolization. We idolize all sorts of things- like beauty, money, and so forth. It struck me that I am in surfing in the waves of idolizing health. It's the one thing I really long for--- to be able to not have pain--- I have put it up on a pedestal. Do you have that thing in your life that makes you say, "If only...then..."? "If only...then..." is a lie- it holds us captive from appreciating what we are already free from. Praying with expectation is not idolization, but trying to fill an empty hole with an idol puts us back into captivity.

Absorb freedom's beauty ~ AT

The Choice

Today I'm borrowing wisdom from my favorite book, "You Gotta Keep Dancin'" by Tim Hansel. I've had some hurdles to jump lately and need more wisdom if I'm going to jump.

I've come to learn over many years of chronic illness that the journey is full of humps that can be hard. My humps have been "looking for the magic cure," "cautiously living," "seeking symptom suppression," "existing from one doctor appointment to the next." I'm thankful these humps are infrequent but they are still hard to crawl over when they come up. What humps are you crawling over? What do we need to let Jesus carry us over?

A cheerful heart is the best medicine, and I have to bite the bullet and get out of the cycle of fear and cautious panic. It's easy to be living with low-grade discouragement and not realize it. But I've realized it and that I praise God for---because realizing it is the first step toward living in joy for today.

No matter what kind of pain it is- physical, emotional, spiritual- pain can intercept our hopes and plans- it can rearrange our dreams and always leaves a mark. We cannot change the circumstances but we can change our response.

Happiness is a feeling that depends on circumstances- our health can depend on somebody else- but we have a choice--- to have joy--- joy is an attitude that can triumph through our circumstances.

Biting the bullet to live in joy for TODAY! Lord Jesus, carry us in joy. AT

Humbled

Today, I was thinking about how I wish I had a different body--- a body that would run- one that did not ache. A new body is something I look forward to in heaven but what can I learn here and now--- today? Today I thank God for humbling me and pray that he gives me the strength to have a grateful heart each day. I long for heaven but live for today--- today I walk as a humbled human. Oh how different our see through  humble eyes today.

What do your eyes see today? Humbly looking ~ AT

Risk Builds Faith

I'm embarking on a journey today- a 30 day challenge. I'm taking a risk to deepen my walk with God. There are some good shows on TV, but I'm stepping out on a 30 day journey- a challenge- of no TV. I could get quite bored or maybe even lonely without the noise- but I want to try and use my free time to get more in touch with God- more in touch with His purpose for my life. Instead of spending hours listening to the TV at night to drown out the world- to drown out the hurt- I want to run to God in this season of suffering. I want to face my fears- face my pain.

It's been hard for me to see God's purpose in the suffering lately, but I'm convinced that He will bless me with His presence in the next 30 days. I've chosen 30 days because that's when the doctors expect to know more about what's going on with my liver- I've decided that at the end of 30 days I don't just want test results- I want to be a stronger woman of faith!

What are we to gain if we never step out in faith? God gives us the faith we need to take the next step in our journey- what is your next step? What is God asking you to face? How are you to face it- what do you need to risk?

With TV now in storage--- Risking to build faith ~AT

Inspiration

We all need inspiration each day if we are going to live for today. You have probably already seen this but so had I-- it inspired me for today- to dream- to be energetic- to be kind.
Be inspried ~AT

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

Addendum to being surprised

Wow! I'm already blown away- completely surprised today! I have to fill you in an a little experiment I've been running today, and I hope you will run it yourself!

I've been filled with joy and hope this morning. I've been just going about my usual business this morning but things are not so usual--- my smile seems as contagious as the flu this year! On my usual walk to get coffee through the tunnels of the hospital, the influence of joy became so obvious. The most amazing thing I've experienced in a long time--- strangers making not only eye contact- but giving me a huge smile and a loud- confident- "hello!" It gives me this wonderful feeling of being connected with fellow mankind on an intimate- real level.

Please replicate this experiment in your life today ~AT

Be surprised

It's pretty early right now but God has already blessed my day with smiles. I was reminded of this concept of living for today very early this morning- that means it's going to be a good day because I have made the choice to view life as a blessing. So my words are simple today- simple but powerful- Rejoice! Let God surprise you... ask and you shall receive.

Influence through joy for today and be surprised with gladness ~ AT

Waiting produces character

The past month or more has been a time of endless waiting for me. Not too much about my physical condition worries me but waiting is something that continues to be God's ultimate challenge to me. For the past few months my liver function tests have been abnormal so I have gone through a series of many tests, and currently I am waiting to find out if I need a biopsy. Whether or not those around me can tell or not- it has been a time of great agony.

Waiting is something that has sort of paralyzed me into a state of self-absorption. I have tuned out most of the world around me at times to just wait. I have just come to remember that waiting produces character- regardless of it being good or bad-waiting can change us.

I believe we have a choice as to what our character becomes  during times of waiting. We are probably all waiting for something at any given time. During this time of waiting, I can choose to let it be a time of leaning on God through trust and become a stronger person, or I can choose to sit miserably waiting and become so very discontent.

When given a choice- it becomes obvious- trust I choose. I am not sure how to lean on God right now- but I am trusting that as long as I have decided to trust-- God will show me how.

May waiting be a blessing- AT

Surrendering Worry

I've spent the last few weeks worrying about something that I cannot really identify. I've asked God to simply come and meet me where I am. A lot of my confusion revolves around the complex nature of medicine and the human body. When I first saw the doctor, I thought scleroderma explained everything, but now I realize that it's a difficult diagnosis to make and they cannot be for certain. I just want them to be able to explain everything, which isn't possible. So I'm wrestling with a bigger question- what would really change about my life if they could explain everything? I want them to be able to tell me what my future holds in regard to health, which they cannot do even if they could explain everything. I'm back to square one- how do I live for today?

God is the only one that knows the future and understands the human body as he created it. He knows the purpose behind my sufferings and my joys. God has met me where I am today through the writings in a daily devotional magazine. The benefits of God's words are explained in psalm 119, "the word of God revives, teaches, gives understanding, strength and direction. So I will, "Cling to your testimonies; O Lord, do not put me to shame! I will run the course of Your commandments. (Psalm 119:31-32)." I come to God and ask, how do I live today in a way that fulfills your purpose in all of this? What is your purpose in my joys and sufferings?

Today I will follow the words of a wise man who said, "You'll go forth a little stronger, with a fresh supply of grace, if each day you meet the savior in a secret, quiet place." Perhaps in the secret quiet place with Jesus I can surrender my worry.

Surrendering, AT