The World Around Us

I spent another day at the Mayo Clinic with tests for my stomach underway.  This morning I was struck with appreciation for little things; my perspective was planted in the moment with gratitude for so many things.  As the day continued, my heart went up and down as I watched patients come in and out hooked up for chemotherapy.  I was struck by the strength of people and humbled by stories I was able to hear throughout the day from people from so far away.  As the day progressed my heart became burdened with how many people have cancer (and the list of diseases goes on).  I started to feel the world collapse in with sadness.  By evening, I actually became quite crabby (good thing I was alone).  

Then I heard God speak to me.  "Focus on me."  "Look at the world through my eyes."  I went down stairs in the hotel lobby to read my bible.  I had my i-Pod on and heard a song that I was meant to hear.  It was "Stop the World" by Matthew West.  It expresses part of what was on  my heart today as I watched so many people battling cancer.  

A million distractions stealing my heart from you. I'm tired and empty; life is relentless.  It weakens my knees and breaks my defenses. It's wearing me down and I'm desperate to hear from you. Stop the world- I want to get out.  I need to escape from this crowd just to hear you.  Speak to me.  I need do be still before I make a move.  I need to be humble with nothing to prove. I need your word to show me the truth.  I need time, precious time. 

Stop the world, I want to get out.  I need an escape away from this crowd just to hear you.  Speak to me. Stop the world, I'm ready to listen. Give me a vision of heaven that I can hold on to. Stop the world, I need some time with you.  Before I can find my voice, I need to hear your above all this noise.  Stop the world, I need to be with you. 

When living for today, we must not follow the crowd- we have to step away for a new perspective- a God's perspective of love and hope.  In him, the world is not about illness; it's about how Christ has healed all illness for once and all.  It's not about us having to fight and be strong; it's about Christ's strength in us.  After I heard this song, I felt strong and I saw hope for people. 

In the world, life is all about us but with a vision of heaven, life all about Christ.  May we empower each other to live today with that vision.  May we find time to escape to spend time listening to His voice so we know how to move through the crowd- so we know how to filter the distractions.  For tonight, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28.    


Rest well for tomorrow is a new day to live for today!  ~AT

Joy for Today

There are many things throughout life that can make it difficult to find happiness; for me it is chronic illness.  What is it for you?  Are there feelings that take over such as loneliness, stress, or fear?  Are there things that make you "live for tomorrow" instead of "living for today"?  Chronic illness may rob happiness at times but it cannot steal an ounce of joy for my joy is the fruit of the Spirit.  Journeying for today is about joy. 

Journeying for today means letting the Lord reign over my decisions, my attitude, my body. I cannot let my self-centered desires or sinful passions take lordship.  Over and over along my journey I have had to learn not to deny or repress my feelings.  I used to think I was dealing with my emotions surrounding my health by saying, "At least I am not dying... at least I don't have..."   God finally showed me (or I finally listened) that I was using those statements as a way to repress or mask my anger and fears.  God has blessed me over the years with the knowledge to not hide my feelings but to express them to him, to take them to the foot of the cross for healing.  It is still a process but he faithfully leads me.  

I believe I have been fully healed by my Father but becoming well is a process for me.  I continue to cherish all of your prayers and know that the Father will continue to bring health to all parts of me.  Every single day, I praise God for the gift he has given me to journey with hope through difficult physical battles.  I pray that we would all continue to learn how to rely on the Holy Spirit- to be tuned into how we can journey for today.  May we let God  hammer away the parts of our hearts that have hardened and mend the corners of our hearts that are broken.  Ever so gently or as hard as needed, as little or as often as needed.  

It is not easy but this is how we can come to living in the fullness of joy God intends.  We do not have to live just for tomorrow.  Here's the challenge: don't  mask symptoms of sin that block love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.    

Now that is Living for TODAY.  ~AT

Update:  Today was my first consult at the Mayo Clinic.  I will be having many tests over the next week.  Please pray for safety during the tests and that the test results would bring new knowledge to guide the treatment of my autoimmune disease.  With deep gratitude I covet your prayers and love, Anna

Wise words for today...

"At some point, I learned to happen to my days rather than letting my days happen to me."  Ruth Stricker.  As Ruth also said, I will choose this attitude today, "I consider myself a well person in a diseased body.  I could have let myself become a victim...but I am not a victim."
~At


For more of Ruth's story: http://lupusnews.ecndigitaledition.com/magazine.aspx

A Choice to Dance

The choice is clear but so hard to see.  In the midst of a very hard week, I have not seen the choices in front of me.  The fog of shock, fear, and utter frustration have made it difficult for me to see that my journey  involves a choice each day.  Each day as we journey through good and bad or easy and difficult, there is a choice.  Most of us will choose to dance but first we have to see that there is a  choice  to be made.  A choice to believe in hope, to have faith in the unseen.  We have to make a choice to persevere in joy or to mourn in sadness or defeat.  Regardless of how out of control life is, each day has a choice!   

Today I chose to make it through today, not worrying about tomorrow but to have hope that I can do it.  I did not start the day with this attitude but it came just in time.  I chose to look up today when life had me down.   I can live with a chronic disease that has stolen so many hopes and dreams.  I can do it because I know it has given me more insight and empathy into the difficulties of life and to see how hope grows from suffering.  Nothing is harder than living with a disease that continually challenges every day living in ways that are often invisible to those around me but I choose to dance.  I am choosing not to fight it but to dance- at times the dance is a gentle ballet and at other times it is a fighting tango.   I am choosing to live being okay with chronic disease because any other choice would be one of defeat.  Defeat does not allow us to journey for today.  This week I felt defeated- I became idol.  I am choosing to dance.  I am choosing to move with my body- I will move as slow as it needs to go but I will keep moving.  I will keep dancing.  

I cannot make choices for tomorrow because there are enough choices to make in each moment of today.  Today I choose to be okay with my feelings of shock.  I choose to be okay with frustration.  I choose to be okay with these things because I know it is just today and tomorrow I will have the strength to be stronger.  I have been given what I need for today- I can be as strong as I need to be today, and tomorrow I will be given a new strength.  I cannot control my disease but I can control my choice to persevere.  I can choose to be strong when my body is weak.  I can choose to dance. 

Choose strength.  Dance your journey today.  ~AT

P.S.  For those of you who are curious what my burdens have been this week that inspire this post:  About 3 weeks ago I started to develop a very painful rash.  The rash led to inflammation in my hands and elbows, which caused my fingers to curl up and tingling from my elbow through finger tips.  Throbbing pain!  I have had a lot of fatigue in addition to migraines and a lot of dryness in my eyes and mouth.  I also believe I had a seizure this week.  The inflammation in my hands led to a biopsy, which shows a rare inflammatory process of cells invading healthy tissue that causes degeneration and atrophy.  It is consistent with myositis or lupus. I usually do not share  a lot about my physical problems on this blog but perhaps that helps clarify my predicament of having to choose.  I spent much of the week feeling emotionally numb. In a sense my spirit had given up.  Today, I was reminded that I CAN DO THIS.  I have been given the strength I need to get through today.  I cannot control the test results and more frustrating, I cannot control when nor how my symptoms will progress.  I cannot control this pain-- I don't know how much longer this flare-up will last or what else it will stop me from doing.  BUT I have chosen to share my emotions with those I love.  I have chosen to take control over what I can control--- which is surrendering all to draw strength from my Lord Jesus.  In tears he lifted and filled me.  With Love, Anna

COURAGE

Wikipedia: Courage, also known as bravery, fortitude, will, balls, and intrepidity, is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, Death, or threat of death, while "moral courage" is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.

Choice that is

Opposite of my first reaction and is

Against my instincts but it is a

Race of perseverance. Acting in courage is an

Attitude that spreads. It is only possible with

God's strength. Faith grows out of courage. Courage is a gift with

Eternal rewards for being brave when confronted with fear, pain, risk, uncertainty or intimidation....

Journey with Courage. May we root ourselves in God's grace and power.

~AT

In His Cradle

The past few weeks have not been easy for me physically. I have dealt with each day but I'm not so sure that's living for today. Every now and again I am able to let out my building emotions; emotions expressing how hard it is to carry my 'cross'. It are those moments, at the depth of the valley, I love because then I can be restored to live for today. These words spoke to the depth of my heart tonight. These words will help me live for today...

"However distant and, desolate or dark. The Lord's infinite reach will endeavor to find us. And upon doing so, will cradle, comfort and console.

Living in His Cradle tonight...

~AT

Oh Lord we pray

Help us to trust, in good and bad, that you alone are sovereign.

May we trust your sovereignty.

Reveal your goodness to us in the presence of despair.

Bring healing to our bones and health to our bodies.

Please do not abandon us when fear is upon us.

Lord please bring us hope each day, each moment, each breath.

Bring comfort and strength to carry us.

Oh Lord do not delay.

Come quickly with all of your strength and glory.

My Love,

Anna

Be loose- let the load be carried

So yesterday I got a wonderful massage (now that's living for today) and God blessed me with some beautiful imagery.  As my muscles were very tight, I saw myself carrying a cross up a hill.  It felt extremely heavy and rugged.  Then as my muscles loosened up, I saw Jesus take my cross and he started carrying my it for me.  Then I not only saw him carrying it, I saw him take me and put me on his other shoulder- to bring me up the hill with him.

So the question I ponder today, is not just how I can let Jesus carry my cross, but how can I help others in the same process?  What can we do that lighten the load for our neighbors, co-workers, family, and yes--- our dogs (hehe)?  

March in victory ~AT

Peace

Simple words of inspiration today: "Peace is not the absence of struggle but the presence of love."  Blessings on your journey today- AT

Hear it...Feel it...FACE IT

My words today are simple: we need to hear, feel and face life head on.   My thoughts are an inspiration from a song I heard at church today called 'Headphones' by Jars of Clay. 

The song immediately reminded me of how at times I try to cope by tuning things out. To pretend it doesn't hurt is not coping- it's hiding from the truth.  The world can be a sad place at times. Women all around us are being diagnosed with breast cancer.  There are wars everywhere- young men and women and children dying for what seems so fruitless.    The news is rarely up lifting and drivers can seem ever so rude.  Our reaction- change it?  How can we change it?  Admittedly, at times I feel like no matter how much of a difference I make- it won't matter.  So it's easy to pull the covers over our heads... drowning it with TV...to practice deeds of selfishness instead of feeding the starving...to go numb.  Do we put our headphones on because it's easier to drown out the hurt and pains of this imperfect world that we were not meant to live in?  Numbness does not burn or tingle...it's painless.

However, it also does not bring joy.  I think it's good for all of us to take the headphones off- to give God permission to use us to lift the sadness in the lives of those around us- whether strangers next door or across the globe or our most loved.  God cannot heal our hurts if we choose to remain numb.  The lyrics are below-think on them--- move on them.  Be moved to face the hurt- not alone but with the power of the cross- because from that God will bring joy.  

No headphones! ~AT

Headphones by Jars of Clay

I don’t have to hear it if I don’t want to

I can drown this out, pull the curtains down on you

It’s a heavy world

It’s too much for me to care

If I close my eyes it’s not there

With my headphones on…

 We watch television

But the sound is something else

Just a song played against the drummer so the hurt is never felt

I take in the war fighters

I am chilled by the current events

It is so hopeless but there’s a pop song in my headphones on

With my headphones on…

At the tube stop

You sit down across from me (echo: I can see you)

I think I know you

By the sad eyes that I see

I want to tell you  (echo: it’s a heavy world)

Everything be okay

You wouldn’t hear it (echo: I don’t want to have to hear it)

So we go our separate ways

With our headphones on…

 I don’t want to have to hear it...I don’t want to have to hear it