A Good Good Friend

The past couple of months have brought one trial after another physically with a flare-up in my autoimmune disease. It started with swelling in my hands and feet with great fatigue and has led to multiple infections, including hospitalization for mastoiditis last weekend. There is uncertainty what is causing pain in the side of my head. The CT scan shows questionable bone density suggesting possible necrosis or infection. I find myself begging to God for mercy in the form of blood tests being positive-- revealing an answer to this pain. I need understanding and answers.

Through this process God has reminded me that he is the very best friend I could have. HE IS LOVE! What better of a friend to have. He is not against me for he is all goodness. It is knowing his goodness that motivates me to strive to be more like him. It is in knowing he is my friend that as I offer up my prayers, begging for mercy, that I can trust him and learn to surrender. I can trust the end result because I know he is good. He is my friend.

This is a beautiful piece of art that inspires me to overcome my anxieties and fears; to trade these emotions for trust in order to pursue a deeper love with my dearest friend and father God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIOsIbqpR5s&feature=player_embedded

3:56"You've Got a Friend" 2009 - SandFantasy

"You are not alone. You've got a friend, who will help you through your pains and sorrow and will always be at your side..." Journeying with a good good friend! AT

Oh Lord we pray

Help us to trust, in good and bad, that you alone are sovereign.

May we trust your sovereignty.

Reveal your goodness to us in the presence of despair.

Bring healing to our bones and health to our bodies.

Please do not abandon us when fear is upon us.

Lord please bring us hope each day, each moment, each breath.

Bring comfort and strength to carry us.

Oh Lord do not delay.

Come quickly with all of your strength and glory.

My Love,

Anna

Hear it...Feel it...FACE IT

My words today are simple: we need to hear, feel and face life head on.   My thoughts are an inspiration from a song I heard at church today called 'Headphones' by Jars of Clay. 

The song immediately reminded me of how at times I try to cope by tuning things out. To pretend it doesn't hurt is not coping- it's hiding from the truth.  The world can be a sad place at times. Women all around us are being diagnosed with breast cancer.  There are wars everywhere- young men and women and children dying for what seems so fruitless.    The news is rarely up lifting and drivers can seem ever so rude.  Our reaction- change it?  How can we change it?  Admittedly, at times I feel like no matter how much of a difference I make- it won't matter.  So it's easy to pull the covers over our heads... drowning it with TV...to practice deeds of selfishness instead of feeding the starving...to go numb.  Do we put our headphones on because it's easier to drown out the hurt and pains of this imperfect world that we were not meant to live in?  Numbness does not burn or tingle...it's painless.

However, it also does not bring joy.  I think it's good for all of us to take the headphones off- to give God permission to use us to lift the sadness in the lives of those around us- whether strangers next door or across the globe or our most loved.  God cannot heal our hurts if we choose to remain numb.  The lyrics are below-think on them--- move on them.  Be moved to face the hurt- not alone but with the power of the cross- because from that God will bring joy.  

No headphones! ~AT

Headphones by Jars of Clay

I don’t have to hear it if I don’t want to

I can drown this out, pull the curtains down on you

It’s a heavy world

It’s too much for me to care

If I close my eyes it’s not there

With my headphones on…

 We watch television

But the sound is something else

Just a song played against the drummer so the hurt is never felt

I take in the war fighters

I am chilled by the current events

It is so hopeless but there’s a pop song in my headphones on

With my headphones on…

At the tube stop

You sit down across from me (echo: I can see you)

I think I know you

By the sad eyes that I see

I want to tell you  (echo: it’s a heavy world)

Everything be okay

You wouldn’t hear it (echo: I don’t want to have to hear it)

So we go our separate ways

With our headphones on…

 I don’t want to have to hear it...I don’t want to have to hear it

Surrender to gain control...

Throughout 2009 I have faced a series of events centered around the pain and consequences of various diseases and conditions.  At times it seems so unreal and at other moments, the reality has been more real than I so wish.  

My agenda has been altered despite my resistance to not let my circumstances weaken me even an ounce.   I have been confronted once again by the reality that even with a strong heart, mind, and faith I cannot just ignore my body's signals. As I have faced the reality of being less productive, I have been saddened, mad, and struck with guilt.  I have tried to maintain control by ignoring it--- by marching on- pretending it does not exist.   

Today I received an intervening message that has renewed my perspective- enabled me to journey with joy and hope.  I have again been blessed with the realization that I have been paralyzed with the desire to maintain control over my circumstances.  The secret is to surrender- to yield and confess every area of our lives.  As it says in Mark 8:35, "Whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever  shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it."

At times God blesses me with the strength to have peace- to be content.  Other times, I admittedly live in a state of trying to maintain control as the wind sweeps and the rain pours upon my heart and body.  I feverishly pray for my hearts desire- for God to calm the storm.  Today, God has lightened the cross I bear by revealing to me once again the secret to victory... surrender, yield, and confess.   

Journey in His Victory

 ~AT 

Hope

It's been a long time since I've written and many have asked for an update. As many of you know, I've started immune suppressant drugs, which has helped me so much. My body feels like it's being repaired from the damage my over active immune system was causing. As I reflect on the year, I see just how much God has carried me and even allowed me to fly with joy.

What carries the human spirit in such times as now? What allows us to fly when our wings are broken? HOPE. Hope is a simple 4-letter word that is endlessly freeing. Christmas is a wonderful time to be reminded of hope. Hope came to us in form of a baby boy. May we see the hope surrounding us during these hard times we face, whether in your own life, your family, or as a nation...HOPE SHALL GUIDE US...Not empty hope- but hope full of faith. "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see," (Hebrews 11). Journey with Hope ~ AT