It's pretty early right now but God has already blessed my day with smiles. I was reminded of this concept of living for today very early this morning- that means it's going to be a good day because I have made the choice to view life as a blessing. So my words are simple today- simple but powerful- Rejoice! Let God surprise you... ask and you shall receive.
Influence through joy for today and be surprised with gladness ~ AT
Friday, February 29, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Waiting produces character
The past month or more has been a time of endless waiting for me. Not too much about my physical condition worries me but waiting is something that continues to be God's ultimate challenge to me. For the past few months my liver function tests have been abnormal so I have gone through a series of many tests, and currently I am waiting to find out if I need a biopsy. Whether or not those around me can tell or not- it has been a time of great agony.
Waiting is something that has sort of paralyzed me into a state of self-absorption. I have tuned out most of the world around me at times to just wait. I have just come to remember that waiting produces character- regardless of it being good or bad-waiting can change us.
I believe we have a choice as to what our character becomes during times of waiting. We are probably all waiting for something at any given time. During this time of waiting, I can choose to let it be a time of leaning on God through trust and become a stronger person, or I can choose to sit miserably waiting and become so very discontent.
When given a choice- it becomes obvious- trust I choose. I am not sure how to lean on God right now- but I am trusting that as long as I have decided to trust-- God will show me how.
May waiting be a blessing- AT
Waiting is something that has sort of paralyzed me into a state of self-absorption. I have tuned out most of the world around me at times to just wait. I have just come to remember that waiting produces character- regardless of it being good or bad-waiting can change us.
I believe we have a choice as to what our character becomes during times of waiting. We are probably all waiting for something at any given time. During this time of waiting, I can choose to let it be a time of leaning on God through trust and become a stronger person, or I can choose to sit miserably waiting and become so very discontent.
When given a choice- it becomes obvious- trust I choose. I am not sure how to lean on God right now- but I am trusting that as long as I have decided to trust-- God will show me how.
May waiting be a blessing- AT
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Surrendering Worry
I've spent the last few weeks worrying about something that I cannot really identify. I've asked God to simply come and meet me where I am. A lot of my confusion revolves around the complex nature of medicine and the human body. When I first saw the doctor, I thought scleroderma explained everything, but now I realize that it's a difficult diagnosis to make and they cannot be for certain. I just want them to be able to explain everything, which isn't possible. So I'm wrestling with a bigger question- what would really change about my life if they could explain everything? I want them to be able to tell me what my future holds in regard to health, which they cannot do even if they could explain everything. I'm back to square one- how do I live for today?
God is the only one that knows the future and understands the human body as he created it. He knows the purpose behind my sufferings and my joys. God has met me where I am today through the writings in a daily devotional magazine. The benefits of God's words are explained in psalm 119, "the word of God revives, teaches, gives understanding, strength and direction. So I will, "Cling to your testimonies; O Lord, do not put me to shame! I will run the course of Your commandments. (Psalm 119:31-32)." I come to God and ask, how do I live today in a way that fulfills your purpose in all of this? What is your purpose in my joys and sufferings?
Today I will follow the words of a wise man who said, "You'll go forth a little stronger, with a fresh supply of grace, if each day you meet the savior in a secret, quiet place." Perhaps in the secret quiet place with Jesus I can surrender my worry.
Surrendering, AT
God is the only one that knows the future and understands the human body as he created it. He knows the purpose behind my sufferings and my joys. God has met me where I am today through the writings in a daily devotional magazine. The benefits of God's words are explained in psalm 119, "the word of God revives, teaches, gives understanding, strength and direction. So I will, "Cling to your testimonies; O Lord, do not put me to shame! I will run the course of Your commandments. (Psalm 119:31-32)." I come to God and ask, how do I live today in a way that fulfills your purpose in all of this? What is your purpose in my joys and sufferings?
Today I will follow the words of a wise man who said, "You'll go forth a little stronger, with a fresh supply of grace, if each day you meet the savior in a secret, quiet place." Perhaps in the secret quiet place with Jesus I can surrender my worry.
Surrendering, AT
Monday, December 31, 2007
Capturing the Heart
Today is about living for what captures the passions of our heart. Life is a process of discovering and learning to answer to the passions God has planted in our hearts. What brings that warm feeling of joy to my heart? Most days I ignore this feeling I have inside of me- a feeling that I have so much passion pent up waiting to be let out. I often say- "in the future." In the future I will write that book- in the future I will start that support group- I will travel the world with my sisters taking pictures- in the future. What about today?
There is so much to do, but what am I most passionate about? I have this overwhelming feeling to help those in need- those going through physical trials- helping the family members that live the experience- and raising public awareness. I want the public to open their eyes to see the beauty in sick children, disabled children and adults, and those battling the epidemic of disease that has flooded our world. Their is so much beauty in what the world labels as defective, disabled, or diseased. I can never pass a sick child in a red wagon in the hospital without the depths of my heart being pulled. When I saw the movie "Pursuit of Happyness," I remember wanting to buy a big house and open it up to the poor- it was such a real feeling.
I never want my heart to dry up- I always want my feelings to be real. When I first started working in the Cleft Palate Clinic, I remember having to use all my strength not to cry in front of families- their stories would tug at my heart- I would hold it together and then loose it as soon as I stepped out of the room. And then I would go home and think about those children- the mothers and fathers- all of the brothers and sisters- the grandparents- neighbors- all impacted in one way or another. I would have this great need to do something but had no idea what to do.
This is a journey and I don't know where it's taking me. Today I will hold on to the thought that it will lead to great places- as long as I answer to the passions God has given me today. There are so many callings- the world is full of need- what shall I answer to for today? AT
There is so much to do, but what am I most passionate about? I have this overwhelming feeling to help those in need- those going through physical trials- helping the family members that live the experience- and raising public awareness. I want the public to open their eyes to see the beauty in sick children, disabled children and adults, and those battling the epidemic of disease that has flooded our world. Their is so much beauty in what the world labels as defective, disabled, or diseased. I can never pass a sick child in a red wagon in the hospital without the depths of my heart being pulled. When I saw the movie "Pursuit of Happyness," I remember wanting to buy a big house and open it up to the poor- it was such a real feeling.
I never want my heart to dry up- I always want my feelings to be real. When I first started working in the Cleft Palate Clinic, I remember having to use all my strength not to cry in front of families- their stories would tug at my heart- I would hold it together and then loose it as soon as I stepped out of the room. And then I would go home and think about those children- the mothers and fathers- all of the brothers and sisters- the grandparents- neighbors- all impacted in one way or another. I would have this great need to do something but had no idea what to do.
This is a journey and I don't know where it's taking me. Today I will hold on to the thought that it will lead to great places- as long as I answer to the passions God has given me today. There are so many callings- the world is full of need- what shall I answer to for today? AT
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Costumes: Look in the Mirror
I have not written recently because I'm afraid that what I have to say right now won't be very positive- maybe more depressing than inspiring. The past few days I have felt indifferent. I'm not sure why because I'm on vacation and surrounded by family right now- doing what I love. Do I feel this lack of emotion because it's been hard physically lately? My medicine hasn't been helping my stomach as much the past 2 weeks, and this is especially frustrating as the holidays revolve a lot around food. Sometimes when I see everyone happy and eating I feel bitter because I want to enjoy food and I keep trying to enjoy it but I hate how it makes me feel. Your body should be able to handle food- it's such a basic biological need. Perhaps I fear what will help me if the medicine stops working. Deep down I fear the medicine is not working because perhaps the disease is progressing. Not that this is the case but that's what my mind has been processing now and again.
Maybe indifference is built up tension from not being honest with myself- or with the world- or with God. I have not been dishonest in big ways- or in ways that I can really recognize. I think we are all dishonest in tiny subtle ways throughout the day that really takes a toll on our character in the long run. I waste energy trying to shield people from the true me. I think we all have someone we are trying to be- sometimes we change in and out of various costumes all day long. I try to wear my best for each occasion. If we wear costumes for too long we loose the chance to live connected to ourselves and those around us. Maybe it's driven by fear or maybe it's an attempt to conserve energy.
Whatever the reason- the way out of costume is to recognize it- to look in the mirror and take off the shields- the armor we place against being hurt or disappointed by people. So I step out of costume to live for today. AT
Maybe indifference is built up tension from not being honest with myself- or with the world- or with God. I have not been dishonest in big ways- or in ways that I can really recognize. I think we are all dishonest in tiny subtle ways throughout the day that really takes a toll on our character in the long run. I waste energy trying to shield people from the true me. I think we all have someone we are trying to be- sometimes we change in and out of various costumes all day long. I try to wear my best for each occasion. If we wear costumes for too long we loose the chance to live connected to ourselves and those around us. Maybe it's driven by fear or maybe it's an attempt to conserve energy.
Whatever the reason- the way out of costume is to recognize it- to look in the mirror and take off the shields- the armor we place against being hurt or disappointed by people. So I step out of costume to live for today. AT
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas
The heart of Christmas is for those who are shipwrecked- lost and in need of grace. When I'm not feeling well I have heightened awareness of my shipwrecked state. I pray that each day I reach that state for then I know I have a King and I am rescued. I look up and see the star shining today and far into the future. Glory shines around this Christmas day! "Fear not, said ye." My troubled mind is seized by the King- by the Son who came in the form of a baby who has conquered all evil. "Glad tidings of great joy I bring to you and all mankind." Peace be on earth, let the light be brilliant in our lives- for light always overtakes darkness. Wise and happy my soul shall be and peace to goodwill. Merry Christmas today, tomorrow, and all days to come, AT
Friday, December 21, 2007
Seeing Extraodinary in the Ordinary
Today has been a perfect day because it was slow enough to take it all in. I took in each moment; throughout the day I found myself saying out loud, "This day is perfect!" It was full of things I don't normally do, and I'm so glad I got to share it with my sister Katie who lives in Colorado. We ate breakfast at the table instead of on the run, strolled around Lake Calhoun taking in the fresh morning air, and ventured to a new locally owned cafe for lunch in my neighborhood. A mid afternoon nap was also just the needed refresher. It was a day full of ordinary things that ended up being extraordinary.
What makes a day extraordinary? I wish everyday was like today. Is it possible to have a lifetime of extraordinary days? I think it's possible--- I just have to take the time to see the extraordinary in the ordinary--- take the time to see how "everyday people" are extraordinary. It's the ordinary events and the everyday people that made me feel alive today. It's enjoying the simple pleasures and people's kind deeds that blessed me with wonderful contentment despite my physical circumstances today.
Contentment is an amazing gift that I experienced today.
May I grow to open my arms to it each day. AT
What makes a day extraordinary? I wish everyday was like today. Is it possible to have a lifetime of extraordinary days? I think it's possible--- I just have to take the time to see the extraordinary in the ordinary--- take the time to see how "everyday people" are extraordinary. It's the ordinary events and the everyday people that made me feel alive today. It's enjoying the simple pleasures and people's kind deeds that blessed me with wonderful contentment despite my physical circumstances today.
Contentment is an amazing gift that I experienced today.
May I grow to open my arms to it each day. AT
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Source of Power
We are misled if we live thinking we are not powerful, yet I believe we are also misled when we do not recognize the source of our power. Life is a process of discovering the source of our power. These are the thoughts that I begin my day reflecting upon. Where have I looked for power this past week?
It has been one week since I learned that I am developing systemic scleroderma. I was originally informed that it was simply localized to my stomach, but when I learned it is probably much more, I felt all the wind being sucked out of my sails. As the news sets in and I work to finish another semester of papers, I have felt my power restored. In what ways am I powerful? What is the source of this power?
It was my natural human reaction to ask people to pray- I needed help. It seemed as though nothing else would work because I felt so empty. As people prayed for God to come and wrap me in the cocoon of his arms I began to feel restored. I felt empowered to love- to laugh- I felt my eternal purpose extend beyond the dying desires of this world.
God has used his power this week to put people in my path that I have needed. He has given people the words to speak that he knew would encourage me to persevere in the face of trial. He has surrounded me with ways to hear his words . He has allowed me to simply be and not to worry about the future. He has given me power through assuring me of a future with him. There is no greater power for me.
How does this great power change today? Perhaps it means putting a smile on my face- a curve that has a simple and peaceful power to straighten things out. I have the power to love. Today I make the choice to surrender myself to a position that allows me to love my brothers and sisters no matter the situation. For true love surpasses all knowledge and empowers me with joy today.
With Joy to journey today. AT
It has been one week since I learned that I am developing systemic scleroderma. I was originally informed that it was simply localized to my stomach, but when I learned it is probably much more, I felt all the wind being sucked out of my sails. As the news sets in and I work to finish another semester of papers, I have felt my power restored. In what ways am I powerful? What is the source of this power?
It was my natural human reaction to ask people to pray- I needed help. It seemed as though nothing else would work because I felt so empty. As people prayed for God to come and wrap me in the cocoon of his arms I began to feel restored. I felt empowered to love- to laugh- I felt my eternal purpose extend beyond the dying desires of this world.
God has used his power this week to put people in my path that I have needed. He has given people the words to speak that he knew would encourage me to persevere in the face of trial. He has surrounded me with ways to hear his words . He has allowed me to simply be and not to worry about the future. He has given me power through assuring me of a future with him. There is no greater power for me.
How does this great power change today? Perhaps it means putting a smile on my face- a curve that has a simple and peaceful power to straighten things out. I have the power to love. Today I make the choice to surrender myself to a position that allows me to love my brothers and sisters no matter the situation. For true love surpasses all knowledge and empowers me with joy today.
With Joy to journey today. AT
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tomorrow is Many Todays
A benefit of the 20 some pills I am taking is that I am less tired; with the pills has also come some insomnia. Bad? Depends on the view. I was lying awake last night, and while I had many circling thoughts, one stuck. Tomorrow is really just many todays of the future. And today is really just many moments. What am I making of this moment? Am I honest within this moment and the moments that will make up today? If I am honest today, I will be honest for the todays that make up the future.
I have been blessed with many conversations with family and friends. I feel "One Love and the One Destiny." I have tried to forget about the sickness, and when I haven't been able to, I feel "so many right beside me." I have decided that one of the hardest parts of life is connecting with emotions and then expressing emotions when they are so raw. There have also been many moments in which I think I haven't simply just forgotton the sickness, but rather, I have embraced it.
What should be embraced today? What we choose to embrace today will be what we embrace for the todays to come.
Dance to ONE LOVE. AT
I have been blessed with many conversations with family and friends. I feel "One Love and the One Destiny." I have tried to forget about the sickness, and when I haven't been able to, I feel "so many right beside me." I have decided that one of the hardest parts of life is connecting with emotions and then expressing emotions when they are so raw. There have also been many moments in which I think I haven't simply just forgotton the sickness, but rather, I have embraced it.
What should be embraced today? What we choose to embrace today will be what we embrace for the todays to come.
Dance to ONE LOVE. AT
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Wonder and Beauty of Life
I am struck today by an abundance of many wonderful and beautiful things in life. Throughout my journey I have found knowledge to be powerful. I have added some links that have helped me cope through gaining knowledge.
Today I have already realized how many simple things I love. I love the simple fact that I can dance to music every morning in my car and sing, even though I don't have a clue what most of the words are. I am grateful for the simple little phrases that humble me. This morning my dad asked me how many more papers I have to finish this semester (too many) and he replied as usual, "Is it a problem or opportunity?" I always say problem but chuckle at the same time. That chuckle represents me stepping into a position of humility to surrender my fears and pride. I am also in awe of the greater words like Proverbs 3:5-8, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding...this will bring health to your body and nourishment to you bones."
So in the simple and great, live, laugh, and love today. AT
Today I have already realized how many simple things I love. I love the simple fact that I can dance to music every morning in my car and sing, even though I don't have a clue what most of the words are. I am grateful for the simple little phrases that humble me. This morning my dad asked me how many more papers I have to finish this semester (too many) and he replied as usual, "Is it a problem or opportunity?" I always say problem but chuckle at the same time. That chuckle represents me stepping into a position of humility to surrender my fears and pride. I am also in awe of the greater words like Proverbs 3:5-8, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding...this will bring health to your body and nourishment to you bones."
So in the simple and great, live, laugh, and love today. AT
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