Surrender to gain control...

Throughout 2009 I have faced a series of events centered around the pain and consequences of various diseases and conditions.  At times it seems so unreal and at other moments, the reality has been more real than I so wish.  

My agenda has been altered despite my resistance to not let my circumstances weaken me even an ounce.   I have been confronted once again by the reality that even with a strong heart, mind, and faith I cannot just ignore my body's signals. As I have faced the reality of being less productive, I have been saddened, mad, and struck with guilt.  I have tried to maintain control by ignoring it--- by marching on- pretending it does not exist.   

Today I received an intervening message that has renewed my perspective- enabled me to journey with joy and hope.  I have again been blessed with the realization that I have been paralyzed with the desire to maintain control over my circumstances.  The secret is to surrender- to yield and confess every area of our lives.  As it says in Mark 8:35, "Whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever  shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it."

At times God blesses me with the strength to have peace- to be content.  Other times, I admittedly live in a state of trying to maintain control as the wind sweeps and the rain pours upon my heart and body.  I feverishly pray for my hearts desire- for God to calm the storm.  Today, God has lightened the cross I bear by revealing to me once again the secret to victory... surrender, yield, and confess.   

Journey in His Victory

 ~AT 

Surrendering Worry

I've spent the last few weeks worrying about something that I cannot really identify. I've asked God to simply come and meet me where I am. A lot of my confusion revolves around the complex nature of medicine and the human body. When I first saw the doctor, I thought scleroderma explained everything, but now I realize that it's a difficult diagnosis to make and they cannot be for certain. I just want them to be able to explain everything, which isn't possible. So I'm wrestling with a bigger question- what would really change about my life if they could explain everything? I want them to be able to tell me what my future holds in regard to health, which they cannot do even if they could explain everything. I'm back to square one- how do I live for today?

God is the only one that knows the future and understands the human body as he created it. He knows the purpose behind my sufferings and my joys. God has met me where I am today through the writings in a daily devotional magazine. The benefits of God's words are explained in psalm 119, "the word of God revives, teaches, gives understanding, strength and direction. So I will, "Cling to your testimonies; O Lord, do not put me to shame! I will run the course of Your commandments. (Psalm 119:31-32)." I come to God and ask, how do I live today in a way that fulfills your purpose in all of this? What is your purpose in my joys and sufferings?

Today I will follow the words of a wise man who said, "You'll go forth a little stronger, with a fresh supply of grace, if each day you meet the savior in a secret, quiet place." Perhaps in the secret quiet place with Jesus I can surrender my worry.

Surrendering, AT